Peer Review by Shakira

My Peer Review was done By Shakira

* Post- peer review post: Describe your revision strategy after reading your partner's peer review. How did the feedback of your instructor and peer help you to revise your text? (5 pts)

Shakira's SUggestions:
4. Having fully examined the complete text, what questions do you have about the topic or the project?
One question I have is what exactly is the deaf culture? I know that it is a culture that deaf people have that is different for those that heat but what does that mean. How do they drive, are their personal relationships the same, how do they view the hearing world?

3. What else do you need to know to fully understand its main point?
It would help me better understand the main point by providing more information on the subtopics such as the causes of deafness and how they survive.
Identify places where the ideas did not flow smoothly from one to another. The text would flow better if the subtopic What does deaf mean were first and then flowed into the causes of deafness. Also, an introduction to the topic would ease the reader into the topic more smoothly.

7. What do you find particularly effective about the writing style of this particular MM Webtext?
What I like about this style is that is very personal. You get the feeling that you’re reading a article or text for someone how has some personal experience on the topic and not from someone who is just writing about a topic.
the subtitles should be uniform in their size.
3. What did you enjoy most about your colleague’s project?
I enjoyed some of the experiences of deaf people that he shared. It made the text more personal.

4. Choose the one change you think is most important for your colleague to improve his/her project.
Develop idea better. The information is there but needs to be expressed in a way that the reader can come away from reading the text feeling like they know something about the topic.

WHat I'm going to do about this

In response to Shakira's suggestions, I want to develop exactly what the deaf culture is. I will do this by providing very clear definitions, and by providing more information from the books i am reading about the Deaf Culture.

I will expand more on the subtitles

• "CAuses of Deafness" and
  
• "How do they survive"

I liked the personal style that i had going on, but i believe Jela encouraged me to shy away from this writing style. So I will have to "depersonalize" the article.
Shakira mentioned that she liked the personal stories and accounts that i listed, so i will try to gather more of those.
I need to develop my idea better